barbara walters just said penis...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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