Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
