I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
sex in a hospital.. check
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
