You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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