Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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