He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
