My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
