I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
