remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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