I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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