he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
