Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
