When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
