Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
