i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
