If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
