I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
