Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
