Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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