You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
