i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I bet he comes in French.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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