If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
