she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
