Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
