I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
