Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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