carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
