I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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