Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
