capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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