Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Randomize
