guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
