What a fucking waste of an outfit
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
