Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
