We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
