You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
