Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
