God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
