Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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