white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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