you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
