i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
