pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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