i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I want her autograph on my taint
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
