No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
