i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
