My hair reeks of homosexuality.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
