I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
