Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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