Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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