I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
