I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
