Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
