Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
