jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
